Random Thoughts on Random Acts of Violence

Random thoughts on random acts of violence…

I burst into tears this morning and then I couldn’t breathe.

I was thinking about the shootings in Vegas, in Orlando, in New Town and every day in Chicago.  And sadly, the FB posts from mothers who fear for their children’s quality of life in a violent America. The moms who want to wrap their children up in body armor and not allow them to go to a concert or even outside for fear of being gunned down by a crazed individual with an assault rifle.

Yes, I cried and couldn’t breathe. I was having a panic attack and a revisit of what I thought were healed emotions. See, I survived gun violence. It was at my home, in Chatham, with my daughters.  I was affected, they were mostly.

It was random, a drive by shooting.  Not intended for me or my family. The shooter shot into the wrong apartment. The bullet smashed through my kitchen window one  early October evening. There was take-out pizza on the counter below the window. My girls were watching television.

The bullet went past one daughter’s ear, ending up in the wall above my other daughter’s head.

It was sudden, it was loud, there were screams and then it was quiet. 

What just happened? Who would do this and why. I picked glass out of my daughter’s hair and threw away the pizza and eventually over the days, months and years went about the task of healing two beautiful humans, who in a moment saw the possibility of their mortality at a far too young age.

I was both numb and hyper-vigilant for days…for months…for years. Fearful in crowds. In restaurants, I would sit with my back to the wall. I would bolt from a cocktail party with no warning. I could not sleep at night sitting outside on my porch, smoking packs of cigarettes until the wee hours of the morning. I was the sentinel guarding my home.  There was always the underlying feeling of fear.

It took many years to heal, we are different but we did.

And thus, I was surprised by my reaction this morning. This time though, I cried and couldn’t breathe for another reason. For our collective society.

  

What I have to say right now in this forum, in my feed (and feel free to unfriend/ unfollow me if you must) is to those mothers fearful for their babies, fearful for their children and their quality of life.

I have fired a gun, rifle and pistol or two, all in controlled situations. I do not own a gun, I have never, nor will I ever. I will eat hunted game and appreciate the sports of target and skeet shooting.  But when a television commentary says what happened in Vegas, Orlando, New Town is the cost of freedom and the right to bear arms and defend the second amendment, I call bull shit. The second amendment today is about fear and fostering the gun industry and their profits.

Unfounded fear, systematically fed to us for centuries. Generations of bias, prejudice and profit-making. Making some of us cache arms and weaponry for the impending assault on our nation by those who don’t act like us, don’t look like us, don’t believe like us. It makes most of us oppressed by fear. Fearful of a gun in the wrong hands taking us out while we eat pizza and watch television.

Fear is oppressive, polarizing and takes away from you the very air you breathe and the thoughts you think. So, when you think of your children becoming victimized by random acts of violence- it can happen anywhere, anytime. If you allow it to consume you, it will polarize you and they, the oppressors, win.

Sp please teach peace, kindness and random acts of kindness. Fight hard to make changes.  Teach that we can be brave and defend ourselves with words and positive change. That we are one humanity and should love and protect each other, most of all respect those who look act and believe differently. Do not live in fear of the uncertainties. Live to the fullest.

Mothers. You have the power. Rise up against the gun lobbyists and a Congress who accepts money from them. Ask congress to pass gun control laws. Say no to fear.

Be, like me, no longer fearful.