Random thoughts on random acts of violence…
I burst into tears this morning and then I couldn’t breathe.
I was thinking about the shootings in Vegas, in Orlando, in New
Town and every day in Chicago. And
sadly, the FB posts from mothers who fear for their children’s quality of life
in a violent America. The moms who want to wrap their children up in body armor
and not allow them to go to a concert or even outside for fear of being gunned
down by a crazed individual with an assault rifle.
Yes, I cried and couldn’t breathe. I was having a panic
attack and a revisit of what I thought were healed emotions. See, I survived
gun violence. It was at my home, in Chatham, with my daughters. I was affected, they were mostly.
It was random, a drive by shooting. Not intended for me or my family. The shooter
shot into the wrong apartment. The bullet smashed through my kitchen window one early October evening. There was take-out pizza on the counter below the window.
My girls were watching television.
The bullet went past one daughter’s ear, ending up in the wall
above my other daughter’s head.
It was sudden, it was loud, there were screams and then it was
quiet.
What just happened? Who would do this and why. I picked glass out of my
daughter’s hair and threw away the pizza and eventually over the days, months and years went about the task of healing two
beautiful humans, who in a moment saw the possibility of their mortality at a far too
young age.
I was both numb and hyper-vigilant for days…for months…for
years. Fearful in crowds. In restaurants, I would sit with my back to the wall.
I would bolt from a cocktail party with no warning. I could not sleep at night
sitting outside on my porch, smoking packs of cigarettes until the wee hours of the morning. I was the sentinel
guarding my home. There was always the
underlying feeling of fear.
It took many years to heal, we are different but we did.
And thus, I was surprised by my reaction this morning. This
time though, I cried and couldn’t breathe for another reason. For our collective society.
What I have to say right now in this forum, in my feed (and
feel free to unfriend/ unfollow me if you must) is to those mothers fearful for their
babies, fearful for their children and their quality of life.
I have fired a gun, rifle and pistol or two, all in
controlled situations. I do not own a gun, I have never, nor will I ever. I
will eat hunted game and appreciate the sports of target and skeet shooting. But when a television commentary says what
happened in Vegas, Orlando, New Town is the cost of freedom and the right to
bear arms and defend the second amendment, I call bull shit. The second
amendment today is about fear and fostering the gun industry and their profits.
Unfounded fear, systematically fed to us for centuries.
Generations of bias, prejudice and profit-making. Making some of us cache arms
and weaponry for the impending assault on our nation by those who don’t act
like us, don’t look like us, don’t believe like us. It makes most of us
oppressed by fear. Fearful of a gun in the wrong hands taking us out while we
eat pizza and watch television.
Fear is oppressive, polarizing and takes away from you the
very air you breathe and the thoughts you think. So, when you think of your
children becoming victimized by random acts of violence- it can happen
anywhere, anytime. If you allow it to consume you, it will polarize you and
they, the oppressors, win.
Sp please teach peace, kindness and random acts of kindness. Fight hard
to make changes. Teach that we can be brave
and defend ourselves with words and positive change. That we are one humanity and
should love and protect each other, most of all respect those who look act and believe
differently. Do not live in fear of the uncertainties. Live to the fullest.
Mothers. You have the power. Rise up against the gun
lobbyists and a Congress who accepts money from them. Ask congress to pass gun control laws. Say no to fear.
Be, like me, no longer fearful.
